I Have Had It!

I'm tired of guilt.

It comes from everywhere: other moms (if you are a working mom, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about), work, church (and not sinners guilt - that's something totally different), and anyone else in your life who thinks they know better than you.

Is it possible that in some situations a person knows better than you? Yes, of course. To pretend we all know everything about everything is crazy. In my life, everyone thinks they know how I should be spending my time.

Stay at home mom friends (not all, but some) think I should be figuring out how to take my kid to every activity in the tri-county area. Every festival, every free meal giveaway, every free holiday activity must be attended.  Guess what? It's not going to happen in my family. And honestly my kids don't want to go to every single thing. They go to school and day care, and like their mom, they like being home just being together. We go to somethings, but we don't have to go to everything.

My job is very flexible - they accommodate the fact that I have kids for the most part, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE working there. But anytime one of them is sick and I need to stay home  (or I am sick for that matter) I feel like I have just ruined everyone in my department's day. So now when they are sick I have started freaking out or second guessing myself - no more. If my babies need me, they need me.

I love the church we attend. It is amazing and filled with amazing people. I hold a volunteer position there and I love it. However - sometimes I oversleep. Sometimes we are sick. Sometimes (not for Sundays or midweek) I just need to spend time with my family because I do work. A woman is to care for her household as part of her ministry on this earth. Prov. 31 talks about how valuable a good wife is to a man. I don't like being made to feel guilty when that doesn't fit into the schedule of the church. And from now on I won't. I am there every moment I can be, and I have to do what I feel God is leading me to do.

Once you get married, there are two families to appease. If one of you (or both) happens to come from a home of divorced parents, well, that just makes it all the worse. Everyone wants to do everything and everything thinks they are the most important. And while I love my family (both sides) and my in-laws, I can't make everyone happy. And I'm done worrying about it. First come, first serve, and sometimes I have to say no. Sometimes it is just nice to be my husband, myself, and our ladies.

Now while all of these things bother me - I love each part they play in my life. I just have to remember that my life is the sum of the parts. No part can dominate another, and each must take their turn.

Hey wait a minute...sounds like I have to be the one to stop this from being a problem..darn it, I hate when that happens!

Sick and No Treats

Sick kids - it's the worst. 

I'm going to start this with an important statement - I work in special needs trust administration, and I hear stories all day of parents who spend hours/days/weeks in hospital, doctors offices, and therapies just so their kids can live a "normal" life. To those parents, you have my utmost respect, because here I am whining about what I hope will turn out to be a 24 hour flu bug.

Now for the whining: two of my three children are sick, including one that puked, told me she felt better then immediately ran to the bathroom again. I am fortunate that the baby, is as of now healthy. Babies cannot be put on the couch with a Disney movie, favorite blanket, and a pillow. They crawl around, cry, and puke where ever they want.

Now, it is not the fact that tomorrow is the end of the month, which means that working with financial accounts, I have things I need to do at work. It is not the fact that I will have a ton of laundry and sanitizing to do. What is bumming me out is, tomorrow is Halloween. Who wants to tell their kids that it is a poor show to go trick or treating if you might puke on someone's shoes? When I explained to my oldest tonight that no school tomorrow meant no trick or treating - her already red eyes immediately teared up. Stab to the heart. 

This is where parenting is tough. I'm sure my daughter would say she felt fine even if she was next to death in order to go trick or treating, in order to get candy, that she will want to eat, that she will most likely get sick from. And I will want to say yes - I mean, trick or treating only happens once a year and she has an amazing costume. But because I love her, and because being healthy is more important, I will let her lay in my bed with me and watch Halloween movies instead. 

But in the meantime the world is missing out on these two adorable costumes:

Smurfette

Dora the Explorer

Wordless Wednesday: You Add the Caption

Balance: Urban Myth or Attainable Goal?

So I haven't written a "real" post in a couple days because I knew what I wanted to write about but couldn't pick my angle. See, I wanted to write about the parenting holy grail...balance.

Ask any mother, new, seasoned, young, old...they will tell you the secret to a happy home is balance. Then they will ask you to tell them how you do it when you figure it out. For me it's balancing my time between being a mom, a wife, a professional, working (for God) through my church, and not forgetting that I am a person underneath all of that as well. Everyone always needs something, and their need is always most important.

I don't have the answer. I'm not going to pretend I do...I mean, the title of the blog has the phrases "over scheduled" and "over worked" in them, so obviously I'm not expert. But I do have some thoughts...

1. Stop pretending you can give each "hat" you wear equal time. Can't happen. Somethings are simply more important than others, and something are more demanding. Also some live at your house and there is no where to hide.

2. Follow your gut. Although all logic maybe saying one thing is important, your heart usually knows the right answer. For instance: Logic says that you really need to go to an event at your church, but your heart knows your kids are needing some of your time. Or maybe logic says you need some time at home, but your heart tells you that the church outreach needs your attention. Follow your heart, and don't let anyone guilt you either way.

3. Buy a calendar. Keeping on top of things that demand your time will keep things from becoming overwhelming and allow you to divide your time as evenly as possible.

4. Don't let one area rule the others. No matter how many excuses you can think of.

5. Don't forget about yourself. As a mom, you want everything to be great for everyone. But you are part of "everyone". Take care of yourself. Create situations to be alone. My drug of choice is wondering the aisles of Target alone, which I last did...well when was there snow on the ground last?

6. Learn to say no. I would provide a real life example, but sadly I don't have any..I'm still working on this one.

These five things won't lead you to instance success. Or instant happiness. And no matter how good of an idea they be, putting things like in practice is difficult at best.

Balance is what every family needs...and when you find out how...well you know what to do.

And Sometimes It Just All Comes Together

I am your average camera happy mother. No seriously - currently my "October 2011" album on Facebook has over 200 pictures. I love taking pictures of my family and friends. I keep my camera on the breakfast bar, always close for that candid shot I just have to have. But, like most moms, I am always in search of the great family photo. Sure sure, I could pay someone to take pictures of us in matching clothes like a Gap ad, and while those pictures also look great, that is not my family. We a happy chaotic mess, and I love the pictures that turn out great, but mildly look like we all fell together and leaned in quickly for the snapshot. Today, it happened for us. We were walking through the zoo with my mother-in-law and we sat down for a break and my husband and I each grabbed a kid, the oldest jumped in, smile, snap, happy perfection. Who cares if one of us was dressed like they live in a mushroom in a magical forest, one like an explorer whose best friend is a monkey, and a princess who should have the world's longest ponytail, but is in fact mostly bald :) 

Taking a Stand...By Sitting Down

Since my husband started his new job a couple months ago, life has been go go go, and as you can tell by my blog posts, it has been quite the adjustment. Everyone said "You need to relax more." I kept thinking, "Seriously how do you expect me to do that?!?!"

Here is how:

Right now in my kitchen there is ketchup drying on little divided plates. The laundry room is completely quiet. There are baby toys strategically laying over every square inch of the living room. My kids went to bed at 8 with a small stack of books each. And me? I'm laying on the couch in my favorite sweats, eating food that is sure to go straight to my hips, watching a "Big Bang Theory" marathon, and blogging.

Now the next paragraph are going to be my feelings. To the people to have been telling me this for over a month...yea yea yea, you told me so.

I love my kids. They are amazing. I would do anything for them. I want them to have an amazing life. I want them to be well rounded and awesome. However, I can't do anything for them stretched so thin. So if for one night (and only one, I can't allow it for two) all the dinner dishes sit in the sink, so be it. My kids deserve a mommy that is well rest and not cranky. So even if I can't convince myself to rest for me, I can do it for them.

So tonight, I'm standing up against the voice in my head that says "Your bathroom needs a good scrubbing." I put my self in time out, on my comfy overstuffed couch.

Even the Best Laid Plan

Hello, my name is Brandi, and I am a blogging failure. Well, at least I have been for a couple weeks. It just kept slipping lower and lower on my priority based to-do list. You know, beneath bathing & feeding children (always with the eating!), picking up toys, and lately, around our house, wiping snotty noses. I know my fellow moms know this list all too well.

But now that I'm blogging...I have two major (to me at least) points of discussion. Number 1 - you know what can ruin a day? When I have planned everything. I have accounted for every possible scenerio. I have extra diapers, extra clothes, empty water bottles filled with juice to keep costs down, I have double the Kleenex for the snotty nose situation. But when you get to where you are going everything goes wrong! Snotty nose kid is fussy, the baby hates anything that confines her, and the oldest has suddenly become deaf and doesn't listen to a thing you say. Then to top things off, the hubby is annoyed by that entire situation. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? Everyone is happy in the car. Everyone is happy on the way to the entrance. You pay and BAM! No one is happy, and now I'm frustrated. So here are my new found solutions:

1. Drive just your family so you don't feel guilty for leaving early. - It's not that you don't like carpooling. Who doesn't? It's just sometimes enough is enough for your family and the other parties you are with shouldn't be punished because your family lost their mind.
2. Know when enough is enough. - This one is rough for me. I want to keep trying to make it work. I want it to be perfect. I want their to be a million perfect photo ops. Sadly this is the real world. Three kids? You are lucky with one photo op and one of them will be crying. Sometimes you have to say...we will be happier at home in jammies and that is where we are going.
3. Don't go if you know your kids are a mess. - Taking snotty nose is not a good plan. They want to be laying on the couch with all 1 million episodes of Dora on Netflix and a sippy cup of chocolate milk. Either reschedule, or one parent stays behind. Don't get excited, you will probably have to draw straws.

So...number2 - Since when did it become "ok" to take a picture of someone else's kid with your phone and walk away like it is completely normal? Now do people think I spend hours reviewing privacy policies and settings on Facebook, because I'm cool with other people having pictures of my kid? And why do you think you don't have to ask? Honestly, you can take a picture of my kid if you enjoy seeing your iPhone4s smashed on the pavement in front of you. Yes, I know they are adorable, I made them. Enjoy them while they are you in your eyesight then creepily stare at the cute kids behind us. Am I alone? Is this abnormal? I have to ask, because as you may have guessed, this day has turned me loopy.