Because I Didn't Have Enough Going On...

So today was a big deal for me. A new business venture! I don't know if it is a new business actually, but honestly more of a ministry. And I'm not going to go into here, but you can click here to see the Christian Marriage Gone Wild blog.

What I am writing about is adding more stuff to the plate...should I or shouldn't I? I have come up with a new way to figure it out.

1. Pray about it.
God has ways of letting you know whether or not you should do something, and if you are a Christian you should be seeking to follow his will regardless.

2. Pros/Cons
Am I jumping over a bunch of cons to get to one pro? And if I am, is it worth it?

3. Discuss with spouse.
If you are married, you can't add something to the family plate without talking it out. That can lead to all kinds of issues. Make sure you are both on the same page. Be fair and give them time to pray about it too, because that is what a good Christian spouse should want to do.

4. Have a plan. Is this truly possible?
Make a plan, and then look at it again. Is this something you can really do? Do you have the time and resources?

If you go through these steps, you should be able to see pretty quickly if adding something is the right thing to do for your family. And if it is...well...add it to the heap!

The Semi-Single Parent: Part 2 of....

Tonight I was trying to think of the most important thing that has helped me adapt to my family's new lifestyle. I thought of several things. But one thing was coming up as a common point. My friend, who will we call J. 

J and I were not friends in high school even though we went to a small school. She was a year ahead of me, and we didn't travel in the same circles. Somehow, we both ended up in the same town, with Kindergartners who attend the same elementary school. 

J is a single mom. She is also self employed as a hair stylist. She is a fabulous mom. We have become great friends. We do not have the same belief system. We do not have the same style. But it works. J has taught me some very important lessons. 

She has taught me you don't have to pretend your kids are perfect. She has no problem posting about her child's latest antics, both good and bad. She loves him and she celebrates his success but she isn't the type of mom that is jaded to believe that her child walks on water, and we all know those moms. 

She gave me a hair style that I can do in five minutes...FIVE MINUTES! Greatest accomplish ever. Not only that, it's a hair style that I love. She taught me that I can be sexy and cute with short hair that doesn't take much work, just as easily as I can with long hair that takes 45 minutes to do. 

She taught me it's ok to cry. Semi-single (and definitely single) moms have to be strong all the time. You cannot have a break down in the middle of dinner because the day got hard. But when the kids go to bed, it's okay to sit on your bed and have a good cry. Because sometimes it IS overwhelming, and sometimes it IS too much, and sometimes crying is the only to get it out. 

She taught me it is okay to have a good time with out my kids. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to get out of the house with a friend and hang out. As I mentioned yesterday, it is important to have "me time" if not you start to get resentful.

The greatest lesson J taught me is it's ok to ask for help. J and I lean on each other from time to time when we need help. I need a sitter later in the evening than usual. J watches my girls. She has to work on a Saturday she is usually off, and her son comes to play at our house. She helps get my oldest daughter home from school on certain days. 

J has been an example of courage for me. Having a great support system is important. J has told me many times if it weren't for her friends who were there to relieve her when things got too intense, she doesn't know if she could make it. J, along with my sitter & friend, and a few other friends, help me stay sane. Whether it's coming over to take over with the kids for a few, running and getting the milk for me so I don't have to take the kids to the grocery, or just talking with me on the phone at the end of a particular hard day, my support system is what keeps me sane. 

Thanks J - for everything.

The Semi-Single Parent

Last summer my husband got a job after being laid off for a year. I was so thankful! In this recession, especially in the state of Indiana, jobs were (are) hard to come by. We knew going in there would be some traveling, but I told myself I could totally handled it.

Almost a year later, and my husband has been out of town most of the week (meaning four to five days) for the past couple months. Now in case you are new to this blog, especially since I haven't posted in roughly ONE MILLION years, I have three kiddies. My girls (yes all girls) are six, three, and one. I work full time at a fairly stressful job. And I'm fairly active in my church. And now I'm doing it alone most of the time. 

Now I don't want to take anything away from my real single moms. They are amazing. I know when the weekend comes, my husband is coming home, and with him he brings relief. I also don't have the sole financial responsibility, and all the stress that situation brings. With all the being said, semi-single parenting is rough stuff.

There isn't any one thing that makes it rough...in fact it's all the things. It's the moments when you just bathed one of the younger kids, only to find the other one knee deep in pudding. Or when you are putting everyone in bed and you realize that your kindergartner has a project due the next day. And my person favorite, when you realize you are out of milk and you get to take three kids to Walmart just to get a gallon of milk!

In the last couple months I have made some changes, both in my environment and attitude, to help relieve some of the stress.

Number one, I looked at all places that were creating stress. For me, it was that two of my children were going to one child care provider, and the other to another provider (this was because one provider couldn't transport my daughter home from 1/2 day kindergarten), both out of our home. So I was frantically dressing three kids, feeding them breakfast, and trying to get them out the door by 6:50 just so we could be on time. Simple solution, one child care provider, and in our home. I hired a wonderful younger woman from our church, who has went above and beyond including helping with some of the housework (especially the girls' laundry). By the time I took gas into account. The cost is about the same, when you have more children.

Number two, I stopped trying to control everything. I can't make their bedrooms look perfect every night. I can't make a from scratch dinner every night. I can't have a fun imaginative activity planned for every night. MY LIFE IS NOT A TELEVISION SHOW. This is real life! That attitude change made all the difference in the world. 

Number three, I remembered I need downtime too. I need time to scroll through Pinterest. I need time to creep on Facebook. I need time to read. I need time to catch up on my TV shows. And hey, I need time to blog! So sometimes, the laundry can sit in the basket until tomorrow. And the toilet will still need scrubbed tomorrow. I found when I didn't take time for myself that I quickly got resentful. 

There are other things, and maybe I will take time to get to that later. Right now, I'm going to enjoy my favorite downtime activity, that  every mother no matter the situation needs: SLEEP!