Holidays and Family

Holidays are great. Family is great. Mixing the two? Not always great.

Every year, every holiday, my husband and I do what I like to call the "dinner dance". Where will be having dinner? Will we visit multiple places? What do we have to bring? What will we wear? And the biggest question: Can we make everyone happy?

Of course I want to spend the holiday with my family, and he wants to spend time with his. But we both understand that marrying each other meant we would also have to try to accommodate the other person's family.

The problem is different theologies. I believe in tradition. Let's do the same thing every year. Growing up, we went to one grandma's on Christmas Eve, and one on Christmas Day. No surprises, no running around.

The theology on the other end is a little different. We wait around and beat around the bush, and then plan at the last minute.

99% of the time, it turns out. I run around, schedule and reschedule, cook at the last minute, whatever, and we make it work. 1% we have an issue like this year where only one of our family members makes it to both.

Regardless family is family. You make it work when you can, and hope to God no one kills you when you can't.

Stop! Too Fast!

After our third baby, we decided we were done. Three was enough (sometimes more than enough) to handle. We love our girls. But knowing we can have no more, it makes me want to slow down time. So tonight, when this happened...

... I cried a bit.

How could this happen? How could she be old enough to be losing teeth? She just got them all! 

And then, not five minutes after this happened, our youngest stood for the first time in the living room for about 5 seconds. 

That time I cried a lot. 

I wanted it to go slow. I wanted to savor every moment of their childhood. But life moves forward. Our children grow. They become cool little people who excite us with the little things like loose teeth, reading their first book, first time they stand, and then first time they tell you that they love you without you saying it first. And even though it made me a little sad, how can you stay sad with this face...

Single Mom-ing It for Three Months? What Is The Worst That Could Happen?

So a possible opportunity for my husband to work out of town and possibly bring in a little more money than usual came up in conversation tonight. "It's a great opportunity, blah blah blah, it would be in Arizona, blah blah blah, I would be gone for three months, blah.." Wait! What? Three months? Now while this whole thing is totally up in the air, and his company has not, as far as I know, secured the contract, he was being dead serious.

As shocking as this announcement had been, I was no where prepared for my response: "Sure I can handle it." I don't even think I believed I was saying it. Three weeks, full time job, volunteer job at the church, three kids with various appointments & activities, not to mention that the first quarter of the year is the busiest for me at work.

But the more I think about it, I can handle it. I have a few great friends who are always willing to help out, a mom that lives close, and a great church family. Any strain will be well worth the money, as we work towards being a debt free family (work towards = walking down a long hard road).

So I will do it, I will hold down the home front. But the day he gets back...I'm taking a spa day!

Before Thanksgiving or After Thanksgiving...That Is the Question

Okay, the ultimate question - do you start decorating for Christmas, listening to Christmas music, and/or watching Christmas movies BEFORE or AFTER Thanksgiving?

Personally, I'm an after Thanksgiving person. Give Thanksgivings it's due. Take a minute to thank God for all he has given us before we start the season of "I wants" (look for a future blog on this subject). We are a fairly prompt family, usually the Friday after (Black Friday to my friends who shop....oh wait I see a plug coming...here it is....www.blackfridaybabes.com) Thanksgiving to decorate and start the merriment.

But in my discussions on this topic with other moms, I heard some pretty good reasons to start early:

1. You are going out of town for Christmas. - If you are leaving town for Christmas, then you won't get the full time allotted to enjoy your Christmas decor. So putting it up a little early allows you time to get the full effect.

2. Your family comes from out of town and celebrates Thanksgiving & Christmas at the same time. - For family living some distance away this if very cost effective, and you just can't have Christmas without a tree and stockings right?

3. You are so in love with the holiday you can't take it and you would skip Halloween if you could. - Well there is no reason for this but everyone has their right to the personal preference.

And honestly, that is what it comes down to, personal preference. Because in my recently found wisdom, each family has their own measure on normal, and what works for me and mine, may be a complete deal breaker for you and yours, and honestly who am I to say?

But seriously...give Thanksgiving it's due.  

Holiday Shopping...How to Do It Right

Ah, 'tis the season....for shopping. For some people, like me, it's a frantic search for the right gift at the last moment, or whenever I can get a babysitter to watch the troops. For some people, like my friend Leann Winton and her family, it is an art, and their biggest show is Black Friday.

They plan. They prepare. They drink coffee. And best yet, they have uniforms.

www.blackfridaybabes.com

And now they are making their uniform available to the public. They have several different cuts of this shirt all sporting this very chic design. They have this cut for the skinny minis out there, and regular tee shirts for us normal people. They have bags to carry all your 1/2 priced, marked down gifts in. They have iPad/Kindle sleeves so you can carry your game plan and ads with you all day. And tons of other products. 

Any good competitive sports team, needs a great stylish uniform. And I have never seen anything more competitive than hundreds of women searching for the same 1/2 priced blender.

The Beauty of Silence

No brainer - all mom's want silence and we want it now!

But what do we do with silence? We immediately fill it up. Television we are behind on (what did we do before DVRs and Hulu?), phone calls, youtube videos...all recreational stuff we have a hard time fitting in, but none of it is silent.

Then even if there is a silence, we fill it up with thoughts. Not peaceful tranquil thoughts, or thoughts of reflection and/or inflection, no we fill it up with mental lists. To do lists. Grocery lists. Menus. Plans for the holidays. Plans for the weekend. Schedules.

How do moms over come this inability to find silence? I'm not sure. It seems completely against our nature to not worry, to not plan, to not have an overall concern for the matters of our home.

I don't have the answer, but I have a suggestion...one bath tub filled to the brim with bubbles. Candles. No music, no books. Climb in. Deep breath in, and out. Clear your mind, see how long you can keep it that way. I think it is like exercise. First time maybe 2 or 3 minutes, next time 5 or 6...but as most trainers say repetition is key. And I agree.

The Beauty of Silence

No brainer - all mom's want silence and we want it now!

But what do we do with silence? We immediately fill it up. Television we are behind on (what did we do before DVRs and Hulu?), phone calls, youtube videos...all recreational stuff we have a hard time fitting in, but none of it is silent.

Then even if there is a silence, we fill it up with thoughts. Not peaceful tranquil thoughts, or thoughts of reflection and/or inflection, no we fill it up with mental lists. To do lists. Grocery lists. Menus. Plans for the holidays. Plans for the weekend. Schedules.

How do moms over come this inability to find silence? I'm not sure. It seems completely against our nature to not worry, to not plan, to not have an overall concern for the matters of our home.

I don't have the answer, but I have a suggestion...one bath tub filled to the brim with bubbles. Candles. No music, no books. Climb in. Deep breath in, and out. Clear your mind, see how long you can keep it that way. I think it is like exercise. First time maybe 2 or 3 minutes, next time 5 or 6...but as most trainers say repetition is key. And I agree.

Sickness for Everyone!

Until this year, sickness has not been an issue in my family. But now, it has hit, and hit hard. As a working mom, this is a HUGE balancing act. And with my husband working crazy hours so frequently, a little stressful. 

How do you know when to stay home from work? How do you know when to keep your kids home? How about both? These are the problems I am currently trying to work out.

My heart says, kids are sick, stay home. Cuddle them. Make them comfy pallets on the couch and give them meds and Pedialyte. Let them watch their favorite movie. My mind says, you have a job with a lot of responsibility, and when you aren't at work you put someone else out. So where is the balance? (By the way, there is that horrible word again!)

I'm thinking follow your gut. In my mind, your gut is where your heart and mind meet and make the real decisions. Recently, I didn't follow my gut, and I'm regretting it: 

So my precious little 9 month old baby gets a hacking cough, that doesn't go away. I take her to the doctor. Just a bad cold. I feel in my gut I should keep her home, but I go to work anyway - I have things to do. A couple days later my babysitter and her daughter come down with it. I have to go to work, so I take the girls anyway. Now almost every member of my family has it. If I had followed my gut and stayed home with my baby girl, then I could have spared a lot of people the sickness.

So tonight, we are laying around in sweats, with blankets and pillows on the couch, watching our favorite movies. Tomorrow? Well, we will see what the gut says...

Nap Time: A Mother's Last Stronghold

I love my children. They are amazing. They are also intense. By 1pm, I am ready for a nap...for all of us. The activities a mom can do during nap time is endless. I could also take a nap. I could blog. I could have the TV ALL TO MYSELF. I could catch up on house work. Make my grocery list. And probably, if I really put my mind to it, balance the federal budget and end world hunger. The possibilities are endless.

So when my oldest turned 3 and a half and decided that nap time was no longer going to be part of her routine, a little part of me died inside. But then I had the perfect solution! "Rest Time". Rest time requires my daughter to stay in her room and play quietly. There is a TV in her room (I know, I know bad mommy, but we only have one living area and Dora gets old fast. She has to share it with her sister.) so she is free to watch whatever Disney happiness she chooses. Now at 5, almost 6, rest time still applies. I usually check on her and give her a snack and a drink, but she is happy as can be and so am I. The trick is make it sound more fun than staying in your room for an hour and a half while mommy recovers from the morning.

My middle daughter is three now, and I'm sure, will attempt to give up her nap soon. I guess I better buy some good toys for Christmas.

"Thanks"giving

So a friend of mine started a couple years ago doing a daily status message each day of November about something she was thankful for in her life. (Here is your shout out Electa!) I don't know if she was the first one to do it, but last year I joined in too. This year I have noticed several people doing it.

The blessing in this has not been recognizing what I have to be thankful for, but how much I have to be thankful for in my life. It's easy when you are knee deep in diapers, with dishes stacked to the ceiling, and your home has reached a decibel level that requires industrial strength ear plugs, to forget the amazing feeling of baby cuddles, toddler kisses, and kindergarten hugs. It's simple to forget how amazing the organization you work for is, when you have been cussed out for the third time in a day and you are rushing to meet your deadlines. It is difficult to remember how amazing your husband is, if most of the time you see him you both are so tired you fall asleep. 

Francesca Batistelli sings in her song "This Is the Stuff", that "in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed." It is just so easy to get bogged down in our day to day lives, to forget all the things we have to be thankful for. I encourage you when you are in your "little mess", to think about all the ways you are blessed.

Time for Some Real Change!

Today I am going to write about my job.

I work in special needs trust, but I work for an organization that does so much more than that. (check it out www.arcind.org) The Arc of Indiana advocates for people with disabilities and even more important (in my, oh so humble opinion) facilitate ways for people with disabilities to advocate for themselves. On top of that, The Arc is trying to help the state find ways to improve services and supports for people living with disabilities.

I go to work everyday and work for a cause that I believe in with every fiber of my being. How many people can say that honestly? I don't have a child with a disability. I got involved because I worked with a couple ladies who needed some assistance in their home when I was in college. These women inspired me. They made their lives meaningful and happy, despite any hurdles they came across, so what excuses could I possibly have.

Today was our annual conference. One of those ladies was in attendance. She was telling me how she no longer just goes to work, but she is an artist and making money off the art she creates. All because she didn't let someone tell her she couldn't have a dream.

But I will tell you what lights a fire in me...people who think they can take advantage. People who feel like they have to find a "solution" for "these people." People who have no respect for these folks as fellow citizens. The state decision makers need to step up. They need to look at the current situation in our state. They need to understand there is a difference in being alive and being able to really live.

Over the next couple years, big decisions are going to have to be made in the state of Indiana. Think about that anytime you visit the polls!