Ever had a slump turn into a rut? Starts out having a bad day, then it quickly turns into a bad week or weeks. This happens to me from time to time. It starts with something small, and snowballs out of control. This time it was a car accident. I have some back injuries from it and it is causing me to not be able to go through my daily routine. This for me is just...beyond hard. I am the type of person who need routines to function. I make list. I make plans. I keep multiple calendars to get it all done. When I can't keep to those routines I get upset. I feel like a failure. I get the "blues". (I don't like to throw around the word depressed. I have been depressed and feeling a little sad is in no way the same thing.) And how many people when they are feeling down and out feel like doing anything? So the routine gets left behind, and with three kids..well there is a mess to deal with and quite frankly now it is a problem that is out of control.

So once you are ready to move forward how do you overcome the mountain of things you have let go? How do you get back up and move forward? When I was younger and it was just me, it was easier. Get up, clean up the house I shared with a roommate, go to work. Now as a "grown-up" with a full-time job, a husband, and three beautiful little girls, it is harder. Usually my husband realizes enough is enough, and says "Come on babe, we're better than this. I will help." He helps as we clean the house, take care of the kids, do laundry, and usually at this point I need a really hot shower. When it's all done, I can sit down with my calendar and rethink things, and be ready to go the next day.

Sometimes I wonder, what would I do if he weren't here to help me pick up the pieces? What if I had to do it all alone? There was a period in Josh & I's marriage where we weren't sure we could stay together forever...and then I tried to picture my life without him. It was a mess! He loves me so much and takes care of me like no one else. I hope he feels the same way about me.

So this blog went a totally different direction than I had planned, but that last little bit, the part about how amazing my husband is...might help me get up off the couch.

We Need A Cure

There is an affliction effecting people all over the world. It significantly effects women more than men. It is tearing apart homes. We need a cure immediately.

I'm talking about crankiness. Someone needs to organize a walk, we need a colored ribbon (it doesn't matter what you color you choose, because whatever you choose it will just upset the patients), and we need some celebrities to help us out. My money is on Bill O'Reilly. He can identify since we he obviously suffers from this affliction. Furthermore, this affliction is very serious! It leads to other, more serious problems, such as anger and road rage.

I guess this cause is so close to my heart because today, I am suffering from it. Quite frankly, I have a chronic case. And the worst part is I didn't know that exposure to children can cause increased flare ups. I am trying desperately to keep it from progressing to anger but not sure how I'm doing.

I am a creature of habit. I need schedules. I need plans. I manage my life with a giant calendar and to do list. I follow a spreadsheet with our budget. None of that is happening right now. Even if I had every list done, I can't follow them. My back is out, and quite frankly it is disabling in many ways. It's not just the pain, which in itself is horrible, but the medication that zaps me out. So now, I'm sitting here, cranky. Knowing what I need to do, but not really able to do it.

What is happening now is crankiness appears to be contagious. Two of three children have caught it. My husband has been out all day, but he has a low immune system and is sure to pick it up. The only current solution is wait until bedtime, go to sleep, and hope it goes away. Must be a virus.

..and then the bottom fell out.

So as much as I would love to pretend I always have it together, let's be honest, no one ALWAYS has it together.

Here is the current picture:

1. I was in a car accident a couple weeks ago. I had some muscle pain but I pushed forward. Well now I am in some SERIOUS pain.
2. My youngest (7months) has had a hacking cough for two weeks and is on meds. She also has an earache. 
3. My middle child (3 years) threw up OUT OF NO WHERE all over the living room. To make this situation even better we were on the way out the door to take my oldest (5 years) to school. 
4. Because of #1 my house is a disaster. Yesterday's dinner of pot roast mess is still all over the dining room and kitchen. Piles of clean (waiting to be folded) and dirty laundry are everywhere. The level of clutter is similar to what New Orleans looked like after Katrina. 

So, in addition, my wonderful babysitter who I love is also having a rough day. Her 4 year old is sick (probably because of my youngest). So I stayed home today with my sickly children, and my disgusting house. I'm going to be very transparent here, I'm overwhelmed. Normally I would NEVER admit this, and you know why? Because woman are not suppose to get overwhelmed. We are suppose to perfectly balanced in every part of our lives. We are suppose to have our hair done, our make up perfect, and be stylish, all while having a "rewarding career" which includes climbing the corporate ladder; have a clean, warm, and well decorated home; have children that you spend mounds of time with, that are well rounded, well behaved, and always polite; and be the ideal member of the PTO and my church. You know what....it isn't possible EVERY SINGLE DAY. And it isn't possible ALONE. Sometimes you have to let something go. 

Now I don't follow my own advice. I'm so afraid of dropping the ball, of people thinking I can't handle things (including my husband - although I know he loves me and supports me in whatever - even if that support ends at helping clean the kitchen) that I go without meals, I go without sleep, and always push forward to make everything look perfect and effortless. But here is the problem with that...you can do it...for awhile. And then, the bottom falls out. And you end up sitting in the middle of your disgusting house, with you sickly children, watching the ninth episode of "Jake & The Pirates" on Disney Junior, using a blog as your therapy because you have no time for real therapy. 

Today, at some point, I will take enough pain meds to not even feel my toes. I will get up and clean this home before the health department comes. I will get to the grocery store. I will do the laundry. I will spend time with the kids. I will make them a good dinner. I will possibly take a shower. I will take a muscle relaxer for my back and go to bed. Tomorrow it is back to the perfect balance. 

It's Friday night. It's 7:43 pm. I'm sitting on my couch feeling like a very hip mom. I have a fall comfy outfit on, a messy ponytail, and my glasses on, writing a blog. Now the question is, how does a mother of three small children get so lucky? Well, quite frankly, this mother hit her limit. My three year old does this thing that drives me crazy. WHINE. CONSTANTLY. And my five year old has a great response..YELL AT HER SISTER. So tonight, after unsuccessfully trying to use the restroom alone in silence, I hit the limit. I calmly stepped from the bathroom, and after taking the three year old to the "potty" ordered them both to bed. Which is where they are now.

So now I am sitting on my couch, watching "Parenthood" on Hulu Plus, blogging. I love my children, but doesn't mean I have to let them torture me. A friend gave me an article this week about allowing our children to make us feel guilty, and I realized it is right! I do not believe that children should be "seen and not heard". I am not even against a "lively" household. What I am against is my children freaking out on each other every five minutes. And I don't want to spend my whole evening yelling at my children. So I feel like sending them to bed early is a just punishment as well as a great way for me to not feel guilty for yelling at them all night. Win/win right?

Being a parent is hard. Everyone knows that. It's no surprise. We lie to ourselves when we have our first baby and tell ourselves, "That is everyone else. We totally have this under control." And we do at first...until they become a toddler and then we realize that we don't have all the answers, parenting is really hard, and we are borderline traumatized. But despite all this we usually go on to have a second child, and some of us really brave folks have even more. But the lesson I have learned is balance. Wait, correction, I have learned what I need is balance. I haven't exactly figured it out 100%. But I'm not talking about overall balance. I'm talking about you need balance in discipline. And a completely different type of balance in extra circulars for your children. And another type of balance in good eating habits. 

Overall, I hope the end result is well-balanced children, who understand that I love them, but I will correct them if it is needed. I truly believe that you can be fun mom (notice I said mom not friend) and have children the respect you and know the boundaries. Now....how to figure that all out...

The Evening Rush

Being a mom is stressful. Whether you stay at home or work, each have their moments where you don't think you can take one more thing, or you will explode. Usually this can be curtailed with a cup of coffee, can of Dr. Pepper, whatever your poison might be.

Tonight, however, I'm talking to the working mom, and to complicate my  situation, my husband has recently taken a job that takes him out of town during the work week. I get off work at 5pm. On a weekend it takes about 30 minutes to get to my office from my home. During the week, an hour. Plus the two child care pick ups I have to make both on my way and coming home from the office. From the time I step foot out of my office (usually 4:50, as I leave a little early to beat the rush in the parking garage) until I put the kids to bed, I feel like I'm running a race against the clock that I am sure to lose.

This evening, my oldest daughter Hannah's elementary school was doing "Spirit Night" at the local very yummy ice cream place. Wanting to be a mom that participates, I decide to take the girls. I invite my mom for support, and that turns in my sister, brother-in-law and niece coming, so I decide to make some dinner.

I skip lunch so I can leave at 4, thinking in theory if I leave an hour early then I will get home an hour early. WRONG! I only got home about 20 minutes early, because Murphy's law says when you are in a hurry there is a fender bender every 20 feet that everyone must slow down and gawk at. Then I'm rush rush rushing to both take care of my kids and make supper. Then we rush through supper to get to the ice cream place. By the time we get home and I get the kids in bed (It's 9 by the way...their regular bedtime is 8) I look around my  house in disarray , sigh, and climb in bed to write this blog.

There must be an easier way. The only thing I can determine is that we need to be able to teleport. And why, of all the stupid things we can do with technology, hasn't this been invented and perfected yet? The market is huge! I'd pay a years salary for the ability to get my office to my house in minutes. And I know you are thinking, "well move closer to your office". Well there is the issue of the school system. The closer to my office you get the worse the schools get. With all the money in the downtown area you would think quality schools, but I truly believe most of the people who work in my building also live in my suburb.

I guess in the meantime, I will stick to leaving 10 minutes early, and keeping the Dr. Pepper flowing.

Oh Fall

I love my kids. I love my husband. I love doing stuff with them. I want to be "that" family. The family that is always doing something fun, that has a bizillon pictures of their kids making funny faces and doing fun things. For me, fall is the best time for this. We love to go to apple orchards and pumpkin patches. We love to go to fall and Halloween activities at the Indianapolis Children's Museum and Indianapolis Zoo. I love taking pictures of my kids in a pile of leaves. I fill my house full of Spiced Pumpkin and Harvest scents from Yankee Candle. I change our menu to include soups and stews. We love hooded sweat shirts. Just writing this I am smiling thinking of it!

Fall for me is also a season of change. This year, Hannah (my oldest) started Kindergarten. Our first Ice Cream Social (a yearly event where kids meet their teacher before the first day of school), first mommy/daughter school shopping trip, first day of school...complete with a few mommy tears. Watching Hannah grow into her own person, no longer content just wearing what Mommy picks out, or doing her hair how mommy wants, is both awesome and heart wrenching all at the same time. Hannah has her own sense of style, and own way of expressing herself, mostly involving Hello Kitty :)

This year, for some reason, it seems more important to be together as a family. I guess because josh has to be gone so much. But we are going to make this work!

Enjoy your fall, and I will keep you update on mine!