A Drastic Change

Hello people in the online world. So I have left my blog dormant for almost 2 years. Two years full of parenting (specifically a toddler), volunteering at church, doing Girl Scouts (UGH), full time work, and taking care of a husband and household.

But everything came to a screeching halt a couple weeks ago. My job, my beloved job, ended abruptly. I realized very suddenly that much of my self identity, and self worth came from my job and the upward climb that it had allowed me. And all of a sudden I was a stay at home mom. I went from four hours of sleep a night to taking a daily nap (perk of being a SAHM when your kids go to school). I went from never having a minute free to having three hours of alone time four days a week. At first it was nice, I hadn't had a vacation in quite a long time. But then when I had lunched with all my friends, and hung out at the coffee shop, went to all the doctor appointments, and reorganized all the closets, there was this vast feeling of nothingness.

At first the nothingness was just a glum feeling, something that kept me from doing extra cleaning and watching Netflix instead. (I'm on quite the Criminal Minds run - I mean Derek Morgan and Dr. Reid?) But then I was laying on the couch all day. And then I spent a couple days where I didn't get out of bed.

I have a long history of depression, probably since puberty. I struggled through high school. I failed during college. Then I had my babies. A reason to exist. A reason to keep on keeping on. There were some times since my girls were born that I faltered. My husband would come home from work, the house would be significantly cluttered. The kids would be in their PJs, and all the Disney movies they had watched through out the day strewn all over the floor. But the girls were happy and taken care of and after a good night sleep I was fine.

This time was different. A good night sleep didn't fix it. Hugs from my girls didn't fix it. Even losing myself in Netflix didn't do it, and if Derek Morgan and Dr. Reid can't solve your problems who can? And the answer is right now: I don't know. I don't know what is going to make this feeling go away. But I know that I have to keep on keeping on because the three lovely ladies who pictures are featured on this page need me. Not just to be around and feed them, but to help them along this road of life that just isn't easy.

So I have made some appointments with a counselor. I have set my alarm to get up and run. And I have admitted this is out of my hands this time. So I'm going to blog it out. Why you may ask? Because we have to stop being afraid. As women, as mothers, as members of the human race, we have to stop being afraid to admit that sometimes we don't have it under control. That sometimes life is overwhelming. But also I want to right to give hope. I can beat this. But it might take time and it will be a process. And if one person can read this and know they don't have to be ashamed to get help. That they don't have to be ashamed to acknowledge that they need help. And that help is there and show you the way through.

Let's Start Again - Short Sale Sadness

So it has been almost a year since I last posted a blog. When I started this blog, I had high hopes of doing it at least weekly, and using it as a place to channel my frustrations and semi-comedic rants on being a mother of three crazy kids and a traveling husband. However, the title of this blog is no joke. So I fell behind. Well long story short, I'm recommitting myself!

Why now you may ask? Did you schedule lessen? No, not at all. In fact, I am currently receiving a million kisses and cups of tea from my two year old, emptying my DVR, writing this blog, and entering Girl Scout cookies orders (because I'm the cookie mom of course). Actually, the reason is, we are buying a house. If you have been through this, you know it can be frustrating and extremely taxing on your patience.But then you add in the short sale. Short sale is the exact opposite of how it sounds. It's actually a long drawn out process that makes NO sense. Let me lay out the situation, so you can see why a written outlet is needed.

A short sale is actually when a seller is selling their home for less than they owe and the bank is going to write off the difference between what is paid and what they owe. Because of this, the bank holding the mortgage has to approve the sell. And this is where everything comes to a screeching halt. We had an accept offer from the seller in October. It is now the end of January, and I'm not sure we are a ton closer. A couple times we have been told "only four more weeks" but those four weeks have come and gone and here we are. Our realtor (Shout out to Linda McClure at Prudential in Fishers) has been patient and understanding of our frustrations and tries to update us as quickly as possible about changes. But since the house is located in the neighborhood across the street from where we are currently living, I find myself driving by and looking at it on a regular basis.

Why stick it out if it is so horrible might be your next question. Well - it is an amazing house at an amazing price. Wait, let's be honest - it is our amazing dream house. When I drive by the clouds part, light directly from heaven shines on the house, and once I'm pretty sure angels sang. It is actually more than we ever dreamed we could afford or have, It is a direct blessing from God. That is what I have to remind myself every second that this is why the waiting is worth it.

In the meantime, I'm filling my life with the normal out of control schedule of Girl Scouts, church, homework, my 9-5, date night, replacing Barbie heads and the like. I try to take the advice of my friends and remember this is just a small amount of time in the grand scheme of our family together.

Does anyone else have moving stories to share? I cannot be alone!

What Constitutes a Dirty House?

So I am a neat freak. Before I had my third baby, my house was spotless, except for a few toys here and there. My laundry was always tidy. Bathrooms always sparkling. Then I had my little Gracie. Adding the second baby didn't change life the way everyone said. I think part of this is because it is a lot easier to get a babysitter for two kids than three. Regardless, all this being said, adding the third baby was not as smooth. Everything is chaos. What is a neat freak to do? Now regardless of what I do there is laundry to do (I have to say life is a little easier since my amazing babysitter helps with the girls laundry), dishes in the sink, toys and kids messes everywhere. How did one little person change things so much? Oh well, she is here and wonderful, and we will take the changes.

Now my neat freak status comes into constant battle with my overwhelming exhaustion of being a working mother of three little ones. Lately my exhaustion has been winning out. So now I'm trying to find the happy middle ground of excepting a little clutter without it driving me insane. So far I haven't done it. Mostly I sit in my exhaustion and FREAK OUT.

So now I've decided that the kids rooms can't be perfectly clean. I've decided a little dirty laundry isn't a huge deal. I have even decided that my room can be cluttered. No one sees it any way. Having a little clutter (not dirt mind you, clutter) isn't going to kill my chances at Mom of the Year. And it makes those times when I do get the house completely clean, oh so much sweeter.

Because I Didn't Have Enough Going On...

So today was a big deal for me. A new business venture! I don't know if it is a new business actually, but honestly more of a ministry. And I'm not going to go into here, but you can click here to see the Christian Marriage Gone Wild blog.

What I am writing about is adding more stuff to the plate...should I or shouldn't I? I have come up with a new way to figure it out.

1. Pray about it.
God has ways of letting you know whether or not you should do something, and if you are a Christian you should be seeking to follow his will regardless.

2. Pros/Cons
Am I jumping over a bunch of cons to get to one pro? And if I am, is it worth it?

3. Discuss with spouse.
If you are married, you can't add something to the family plate without talking it out. That can lead to all kinds of issues. Make sure you are both on the same page. Be fair and give them time to pray about it too, because that is what a good Christian spouse should want to do.

4. Have a plan. Is this truly possible?
Make a plan, and then look at it again. Is this something you can really do? Do you have the time and resources?

If you go through these steps, you should be able to see pretty quickly if adding something is the right thing to do for your family. And if it is...well...add it to the heap!

The Semi-Single Parent: Part 2 of....

Tonight I was trying to think of the most important thing that has helped me adapt to my family's new lifestyle. I thought of several things. But one thing was coming up as a common point. My friend, who will we call J. 

J and I were not friends in high school even though we went to a small school. She was a year ahead of me, and we didn't travel in the same circles. Somehow, we both ended up in the same town, with Kindergartners who attend the same elementary school. 

J is a single mom. She is also self employed as a hair stylist. She is a fabulous mom. We have become great friends. We do not have the same belief system. We do not have the same style. But it works. J has taught me some very important lessons. 

She has taught me you don't have to pretend your kids are perfect. She has no problem posting about her child's latest antics, both good and bad. She loves him and she celebrates his success but she isn't the type of mom that is jaded to believe that her child walks on water, and we all know those moms. 

She gave me a hair style that I can do in five minutes...FIVE MINUTES! Greatest accomplish ever. Not only that, it's a hair style that I love. She taught me that I can be sexy and cute with short hair that doesn't take much work, just as easily as I can with long hair that takes 45 minutes to do. 

She taught me it's ok to cry. Semi-single (and definitely single) moms have to be strong all the time. You cannot have a break down in the middle of dinner because the day got hard. But when the kids go to bed, it's okay to sit on your bed and have a good cry. Because sometimes it IS overwhelming, and sometimes it IS too much, and sometimes crying is the only to get it out. 

She taught me it is okay to have a good time with out my kids. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to get out of the house with a friend and hang out. As I mentioned yesterday, it is important to have "me time" if not you start to get resentful.

The greatest lesson J taught me is it's ok to ask for help. J and I lean on each other from time to time when we need help. I need a sitter later in the evening than usual. J watches my girls. She has to work on a Saturday she is usually off, and her son comes to play at our house. She helps get my oldest daughter home from school on certain days. 

J has been an example of courage for me. Having a great support system is important. J has told me many times if it weren't for her friends who were there to relieve her when things got too intense, she doesn't know if she could make it. J, along with my sitter & friend, and a few other friends, help me stay sane. Whether it's coming over to take over with the kids for a few, running and getting the milk for me so I don't have to take the kids to the grocery, or just talking with me on the phone at the end of a particular hard day, my support system is what keeps me sane. 

Thanks J - for everything.

The Semi-Single Parent

Last summer my husband got a job after being laid off for a year. I was so thankful! In this recession, especially in the state of Indiana, jobs were (are) hard to come by. We knew going in there would be some traveling, but I told myself I could totally handled it.

Almost a year later, and my husband has been out of town most of the week (meaning four to five days) for the past couple months. Now in case you are new to this blog, especially since I haven't posted in roughly ONE MILLION years, I have three kiddies. My girls (yes all girls) are six, three, and one. I work full time at a fairly stressful job. And I'm fairly active in my church. And now I'm doing it alone most of the time. 

Now I don't want to take anything away from my real single moms. They are amazing. I know when the weekend comes, my husband is coming home, and with him he brings relief. I also don't have the sole financial responsibility, and all the stress that situation brings. With all the being said, semi-single parenting is rough stuff.

There isn't any one thing that makes it rough...in fact it's all the things. It's the moments when you just bathed one of the younger kids, only to find the other one knee deep in pudding. Or when you are putting everyone in bed and you realize that your kindergartner has a project due the next day. And my person favorite, when you realize you are out of milk and you get to take three kids to Walmart just to get a gallon of milk!

In the last couple months I have made some changes, both in my environment and attitude, to help relieve some of the stress.

Number one, I looked at all places that were creating stress. For me, it was that two of my children were going to one child care provider, and the other to another provider (this was because one provider couldn't transport my daughter home from 1/2 day kindergarten), both out of our home. So I was frantically dressing three kids, feeding them breakfast, and trying to get them out the door by 6:50 just so we could be on time. Simple solution, one child care provider, and in our home. I hired a wonderful younger woman from our church, who has went above and beyond including helping with some of the housework (especially the girls' laundry). By the time I took gas into account. The cost is about the same, when you have more children.

Number two, I stopped trying to control everything. I can't make their bedrooms look perfect every night. I can't make a from scratch dinner every night. I can't have a fun imaginative activity planned for every night. MY LIFE IS NOT A TELEVISION SHOW. This is real life! That attitude change made all the difference in the world. 

Number three, I remembered I need downtime too. I need time to scroll through Pinterest. I need time to creep on Facebook. I need time to read. I need time to catch up on my TV shows. And hey, I need time to blog! So sometimes, the laundry can sit in the basket until tomorrow. And the toilet will still need scrubbed tomorrow. I found when I didn't take time for myself that I quickly got resentful. 

There are other things, and maybe I will take time to get to that later. Right now, I'm going to enjoy my favorite downtime activity, that  every mother no matter the situation needs: SLEEP!

Winter Blues

I used to think the concept of the "winter blues" was bull. I stand corrected. I have had a descent week. With the Super Bowl in town, I have been able to participate in a tons of fun stuff! The weather is spring like, even though it is February in Indiana. However, somehow I still feel down. Everyone in my house has a stuffy nose. I have no desire to do anything. I'm sitting on the couch, blogging, watching reruns of "How I Met Your Mother" (still obsessing), and eating pepperoni. I did take a shower, but I didn't do my hair (can anyone say bun?). I didn't even put my contacts in, I'm sporting the studious look with my glasses.

Every Sunday for the past couple weeks, I keep telling myself, "Starting tomorrow morning, I'm going to feel normal." Monday comes, Monday goes, and I still feel the same. I have been blaming it on crazy schedules and not getting enough sleep. I've even felt it at work. I'm usually the most driven ambitious person there is, but lately there is no fire in me.

But I am also not the type to sit around and be conquered! Some at home solutions from www.emedicinehealth.com are:

1. Spend 30 minutes outside everyday.
2. Set a timer to turn a light on in your bedroom early in the morning.
3. Use a dawn simulator for a more natural artificial dawn.
4. Increase indoor lighting.

I will start doing these now! The website also says that if you do these things and do not feel better, you should seek help from the doctor. BUT the most important thing is to acknowledge that you aren't feeling well and try to feel better. And don't feel guilty if you feel down or overwhelmed. Life is crazy and sometimes beats us up a little, and not sound cliche, but the important thing is to keep going!